Airports are the modern day equivalent to the train depot without the romance. You never see two star-crossed lovers standing on the tarmac kissing as the stewardess yells down to the one traveling, "Board!" Gone are the dimly lit eerie clouds of steam and smoke that serve to silhouette a single lonely human form as it waits to be reunited with a loved one. No more shrill, steely, shrieks from overburdened brakes trying to stop a 20 ton machine. The only aspect of an airport that harkens to the days of old is that planes are usually late, too.

The Slayer, sat in the featureless gate area of a local airport and thought about what it would be like if airports had always been around. How would the climatic scene of one of those sliver screened romantic flicks play out? Could you see Ingrid Bergman surrounded by 100 men in gray suits trying to say good-bye to Bogie above the din while the loudspeaker announcer says, "Now boarding all rows of Flight 5050 to Paris." There would be no fog or haze or even cigarette smoke to give the scene dramatic effect. Instead there would be a long line of harried, pushy people trying to get on the plane as quickly as possible --as if it were some sort of juvenile race. (Last one on the plane gets a rotten bag of peanuts).

While The Slayer finds it sad that airports have taken much of the romance from travel, the thing that irks him the most about these transportation hubs is that you are virtually trapped in them. Not only are you incarcerated of your own volition but once inside, you are at the mercy of airport price fixing. The Slayer is not sure why this sort of behavior is tolerated in this free-enterprise system. Perhaps the Federal Trade Commission has not heard of airports. All he knows is that it dramatically raises the price of his favorite beverage.

During his most recent travel The Slayer decided to patronize an airport emporium of liquid delights during a lay-over. This pub, "Cheers," named after the successful TV show, tries to duplicate the neighborhood atmosphere that kept Cliff and Norm coming back day after day to widen their already massive backsides.

It miserably fails to establish the feel, but the bar redeems itself by having Sam Adam's Lager on tap. The Slayer likes Sam Adam's on tap. It has a cleaner, more defined herbal hop flavor than its bottled counterpart.

The Slayer was surprised to find the bar open at 9 a.m., but was not disappointed. He strolled in, baggage in hand, and promptly placed his bottom on a stool. Even at this hour, the bar was nearly filled with bleary-eyed travelers trying to take the edge off. Next to The Slayer sat a gentleman having the "Great American Airport Breakfast". This meal includes scrambled eggs, bacon, toast and a bloody Mary to wash the whole thing down. Many travelers, such as this fellow, opt to not complicate the breakfast with the eggs, toast or bacon.

After a few moments, The Slayer caught the attention of the corpsman on duty and ordered his Sam Adam's. The tapmaster asked The Slayer if he would like to get the BIG beer for "just a dollar more." To which The Slayer replied: "How much would that make it?"

"Just, five dollars", the tapman responded. The Slayer decided that the regular beer would be fine. He just could not bring himself to desecrate the memory of Abe Lincoln by spending all of him for just one fairly average size glass, even though filled with Samuel Adam's.

The Slayer quickly finished his brew, tipped the bartender and headed back to his gate. In just a few minutes boarding was to begin. He has nightmares of being left in an airport and emptying his bank account while sitting on a barstool --so he likes to take no chances.

As he meandered toward the ramp The Slayer thought to himself, "I think airport beer is my least favorite." Of course, this makes perfect sense because airport beer is the monetarial antithesis of The Slayer's favorite brew, FREE beer. Knowing that within a few hours he would once again be able to enjoy his favorite beer under the auspices of his mother, The BrewMom, The Slayer smiled as he pushed an old lady off the moving walkway.