Before you go wagging your judgmental tongues and label The Slayer a bigot, the reason he does not particularly care for Malt Liquor is because these beverages are as bland as all other American Lagers. Though a bit sweeter and more alcoholic, to appeal to the "cheap buzz" crowd, than other members of the style, they have all the same flaws as any member of Massproducia lagorium.

The Slayer would dislike these lagers even if they were marketed to topless, leggy Supermodels; though the ad campaigns would most certainly hold his interest.. He has never nor will he ever discriminate against a beer style or a people because of race, creed or religion. The Beer Slayer prefers to hate people on an individual basis. While getting to know someone well enough to despise them does take a lot of extra work, he finds his abhorrence is richer, deeper and has far more resonance than superficial racism..

There are some beers who carry the Malt Liquor designation that have nothing to do with this sweet American Lager substyle. Unfortunately, they get saddled with the name, Malt Liquor, because of legislative edicts rather than brewing process. These fine brews, most of which are imported, must suffer the dreadful indignation of being lumped with these forty ounce, beer cooler monoliths of intoxication; which are best enjoyed ensconced in a paper bag amid a milieu that often includes railroad tracks..

A fine example of the Malt Liquor misnomer phenomena is Weihenstephan beer. On each of this fine German brew's labels you will find the words "Malt Liquor" displayed in relatively small but conspicuous type. While the styles of beer they produce will never be mistaken for Cobra, some Southern states, in their fire and brimstone zeal, require beers over 4.0% alcohol by weight to carry this badge of dishonor. Miraculously, North Carolina is not one of them. The Slayer never thought he would find a legislature more rectally pursed than that of the Tar Heel State; in this light they almost seem liberal (The Slayer hopes it is still proper to use the "L" word in mixed company; if not, he apologizes to those offended by such vulgarity)..

By forcing Weihenstephan Brewery, the world renowned Mecca of brewing art and science, to wear the "Scarlet Letter" of brewing, these pompous political purveyors of pleasureless puritanical policy have once again proven you can't pronounce freedom without saying "dumb." The blinding glare of ignorance does not allow these statesmen to see that without beer there quite possibly would be no church upon which to defend their hypocrisy. Yes, if there were no malt beverages, these Southern lawmakers might actually have to research and thoughtfully consider all aspects of legislation; leaving the foundation for "knee jerk" policy decisions as rootless as a tumbleweed blowing down an El Paso street..

The irony, actually there are two, is that Bayerische Staatbruarei Weihenstephan (Bavarian State Brewery) was initially formed and run by Benedictine Monks from the eighth century until 1803. These men of the cloth brewed beer out of necessity. Though they were not nearly as "enlightened" as we are today, they knew that the drinking of malt beverages would help to maintain their health; especially during the Lenten season. Unlike today's convenient abstinence from a luxury item, these clergy ate nothing from Ash Wednesday until Easter. They maintained their strength during this time of fasting by drinking a beer specially brewed for Lent..

If they did not partake in malt beverages, they might have become weak and died. With no one to spread the teachings of the Catholic Church to the masses, Christianity may have gone the way of the air popcorn popper. If there were no Catholic Church, there would be nothing to protest against and thus no Baptists or Methodists. We might all belong to the Wiggin church, be drinking beer without guilt and playing with crystals..

The other irony of the dogmatic imposition of the Malt Liquor moniker on Weihenstephan beers is that it is situated on "Nahrberg", a Friesing, Germany summit which is also the home of university facilities for food technology, dairy science, agriculture, horticulture and brewing. This is a place of higher learning, truth, knowledge and open-minded thought. Yet, the beers produced on this "Academic Beer Mountain" are amazingly subjected to the same narrow-mindedness as brews produced in Boston, Massachusetts, virtually the home of domestic puritanical thought. (Sorry, Sammy Adams, but on a calm day you can still catch a whiff of witch embers coming from Salem.).

The travesty is that Weihenstephan beers are flavorful, wonderful examples of brewing art and science. They are lovingly crafted by men and women who respect and cherish beer. These brews are not cheap Malt Liquors that have been bastardized to attain characteristics amenable to a particular segment of the market. No, they are lagers and ales that uphold the standards and tradition of the grand German styles..

Weihenstephan's Hefe-Weiss, Kristal, Dunkel, Original and Korbinian (not available in North Carolina because the alcohol level is too high; care for a half liter of MD 20/20?) are exquisite examples of German Wheat, Pilsner and Dopple Bock styles; that's no Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull. Books may be recognized by their cover, beauty may only be skin deep, but brews having the name Malt Liquor are sometimes a horse, not a Colt 45, of a different color..

If you have ever turned up your nose at Weihenstephan or any other German beer whose name you can't pronounce because it had Malt Liquor printed on the label, The Slayer recommends you give them another chance. These brews have no Cobras in their lawn. They are genuine examples of brewing passion and love. Beer is true, unconditional love. It needs to be reciprocated, often.