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A New Bidding War? With the recent announcement of a settlement in the Paula Jones suit against the President, several questions spring to mind. The first one, of course, is if being propositioned is worth $850,000, what is the actual act worth? I mean, Bill Clinton only (allegedly) asked Paula Jones to make nice with Mr. Happy, but Monica Lewinsky has said in no uncertain terms that she has done just that. How much is that worth? I'd wager a good number of men, and women, would like an answer to that question. And, as importantly, should Ms. Lewinsky get a flat fee? Or a per occurrence amount? And, if rated by event, would she get paid for encounters that did not include "the deed"? For instance, if $850,000 equals being propositioned, then let's say at least a million would not be unreasonable for "the act." But how much for a quick feel in the hallway? Or a fast squeeze in the reception line? Or for an inanimate object, such as, say, a cigar? (Wrapped or unwrapped). Monica could really clean up (insert your own blue dress joke here). She could eschew all the book deals, movie rights, talk shows and other offers, and just live off the President (so to speak). Then again, the price might be lower for those who give in voluntarily. In terms of money, that is. In terms of personal dignity, the price is much the same. They will both pay with their respect and ability to have any semblance of a private life. Their every foible with be front page fodder. They say cash soothes such wounds, though. At least it buys the high-end salve. Although, that depends on how much of the dough young Miss Jones actually gets to put in her own pocket. That may bring the pay scale down dramatically. Based on figures her attorneys and backers are throwing around, she may end up owing money. Which may make the whole thing a moot point. But if she does get some money, it could set a standard. Either way, Monica stands to make out (again, so to speak - plus, the President probably helped her get the lawyer). And let's not forget, Monica's not the only one. There's also (that we know of) Kathleen Willey. If Paula gets to keep, say, a quarter mill for being offended, how much should Kathleen get for what was described as a severe groping? It was reported to be something akin to your relative's dog (that should have been fixed) finding himself with an irresistible romantic attraction to your shin. That has got to be worth something in and of itself. Having it smeared across front pages all over the nation should be worth a little bit more. And why not? That seems to be the trend these days, as so many hope out loud for a censure or fine versus full-blown impeachment hearings. Of course, the only flaw in that reasoning is that Congress does not have the Constitutional Authority to fine the President. Impeachment is the only remedy available to them where the Chief Executive is concerned. But, apparently, money can buy me out. One thing is for certain, if this philosophy catches on, Bill and Hillary (or perhaps just a lonely Bill) will have to work overtime at prestigious law firms in 2000 to begin paying all of those who the President has sexually molested, assaulted, propositioned or scored with. He could find himself in real trouble if his wife chooses to represent some of them. It may be good to be the King, but it is about to get real expensive to be the President... |
