Space Garbage Channel Surfing, in the year 2008, will officially become an Olympic sport. Well, that's what I hear. Anyway, I was practicing up to join the U.S. Channel Surfing Team the other night, and came across a little bit that was just about more than I could believe. Cosmonauts, live via satellite (theirs...known as Mir), were selling stuff on QVC. No lie. Although I couldn't bear to watch it, I can imagine what the conversation sounded like... VLADIMIR: Hello Americanskis. Me, and my comrade Boris, will offer several items on today's show. All proceeds will go to benefit the Russian Space Program. BORIS: Yes, that's right. With your purchase, you will be ensuring that future cosmonauts get to enjoy the same conditions that we do. VLADIMIR: So, Boris, what do we have today? BORIS: Well, comrade, we have one slightly used generator (including burned out motor). We're selling this beauty to the first caller for 100,000 American dollars. VLADIMIR: Wow! What a bargain! What else do we have? BORIS: Well, I'm glad you asked, Vlad. (Smiles). We have solar panels, solar panels, solar panels. VLADIMIR: Say, Boris, do we have any solar panels? (chuckles). BORIS: Oh Vlad, you card! Have we got solar panels? You bet. 25,000 American dollars a pop. No questions asked. VLADIMIR: Wow, that's a deal that should get the phone ringing...what else? BORIS: Well, Vlad (smiles), I was just saying to myself, what goes better with a slightly used generator than a slightly used cooling system? VLADIMIR: Ho, ho, ho...right you are, Boris. How much? BORIS: Hey, if you can't afford it, don't ask. Hahaha. No, but I'm not kidding. We're giving it away at the low, low price of 50,000 American dollars. QVC REPRESENTATIVE: Uh, excuse me gentlemen, but we haven't received a single phone call yet. Do you have anything else, perhaps in a lower price range? VLADIMIR: Hey, who would have thought capitalist would be cheap, eh Boris? BORIS: Yeah, Vlad, cheap. And speaking of cheap, we have these used oxygen tanks. All they're doing is taking up space, so we're giving them away fro $500 each. And they all say 'Mir' right on the side...except for the burned ones...but we'll knock 50 dollars off of those. QVC REPRESENTATIVE: Do you have anything, you know, useful to average Americans? VLADIMIR: Why funny you should ask such a question. Yes we do...American flags, given to us by your astronauts. BORIS: That's right. We have two now. And we're willing to part with them, cheap! Just 1,000 American dollars each! You can tell all your friends the flag you fly flew in space! Imagine! You'll be the most popular American on the block. Hurry! Call now! QVC REPRESENTATIVE: I'm sorry, gentlemen, that's all the time we have... VLADIMIR: Hey! We were told one hour. Even my Russian watch keeps good enough time to tell me it's only been thirty minutes! QVC REPRESENTATIVE: I'm sorry, but... BORIS: This is capitalism? I was told we would be rolling in it... QVC REPRESENTATIVE: Oops, I'm sorry folks, it looks like we lost our signal. Tune in next Thursday, when we will have a live show from a dive submarine over the Titanic! Well, maybe that isn't quite how the program went, but surely the truth wasn't any less ridiculous than this story. And isn't that taking things just a bit too far? Kruschev once said that the Soviet Union would bury us...I had no idea he meant in space garbage...