My past does not contain any memories of making New Year Resolutions. Why ? That¹s a deserving question or so it seems since 6 a.m. this morning.

The answer is quite simple really. I¹m a procrastinator ! There, I¹ve said it out loud...in public. I put things off until it¹s too late or until doing them doesn¹t hold the same meaning as it would have if done on time.

I¹ve been this way for years and I do mean Years ! Procrastinating isn¹t a fault that suddenly comes creeping from the night, it¹s an acquired fault one must labour towards slowly, diligently with focus and determintion.

Back in 1976 I decided that I was afraid to give birth to my fourth child and told myself that * I changed my mind * I wasn¹t going to do it. I managed to prolong that pregnancy for two weeks. I swear to God in my best Lilly Thomlin voice that ŒThat¹s the truth¹. Mom says I marked him because he has become a procrastinator too.

Russ announced to me yesterday that I was late getting this article written. I have been ill with a viral flu for a few days now and I used it as an excuse, which he bought, but it¹s not really the reason.

I also responded that I needed a little more time to decide which one of my brood to make fun of this month. It seems they¹ve all had a minor lapse in the Œstupidity¹ overflow. Perhaps they¹re on guard !

My second resolution for 1999 is to convince my family to celebrate the gift giving part of Christmas on New Years¹ Day. I¹m certain you¹ve noticed the sales that begin December 26th. Now why do we rush out pre-holiday and spend like crazy money we may not have for things that we know are going on sale for at least half price the day after Christmas ? Does anyone have a logical reason for this ?

I added my total this year, deducted the sales prices and learned I could have saved a couple hundred dollars that I could have used towards birthday presents. I¹m nuts ! I¹m nuts because I¹ve had this idea for years and I¹ve procrastinated putting it into effect.

Besides if I am able to carry this off perhaps I will avoid the issue of shopping in overly crowded stores and the possibility of ever coming face to face with ŒThe Beast of Butt Crack¹.

I¹ve had nightmares !