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February
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...It's May and I have to say... Happy Day All You Mother's and remember Motherhood Is Reserved For The Higher Level Entities Without you where would we be now? Well, don't answer that! Ask any mother if she wishes motherhood would have come with instructions and/or warnings and you'll probably get some hilarious responses. They most likely would begin with, Oh God and end with, If I knew then what I know now! Remember, you can't always gear your impressions by the spoken words of mothers'. You have to watch their facial expressions and pay attention to their body language. Mother's have learned that in order to be heard they must speak from several different levels of understanding all at once. For instance, The Look where do you think that originated? Ever see a kid who didn't stiffen up and pay immediate attention once they saw The Look ? Before we get to the reader's Responses I'd like to play around a little bit. Here are two lists, one is the most common things children ask their mothers'. The other reveals the most common responses we give our children. So For and From Mother's All Over The World: Questions Mother's Hear : 1) Can I and or Why can't I ? 2) Will this kill me? 3) How come he gets to? 4) What's in Outer Space? 5) Are we out of toilet paper? 6) Is Daddy gonna get me when he gets home? 7) How come you're not the puppy's mommy too? 8) Why are you spelling, mommy? 9) When are we gonna eat? 10) Do I have too? 11) I'm just a kid. Why'd you let me do that? 12) Do I actually have to work for my allowance? 13) Didn't I tell you last week that I needed $30.00 by this morning for the field trip? 14) Can I turn the garage into my own little apartment? 15) What long distant phone calls? 16) Can you talk Dad into letting me use the car tonight? 17) Well Mom, what do you think of her ? 18) Can you teach her to cook chicken the way you do? 19) Doesn't he look just like me? 20) She said she wants time to think. Can I come home? Twenty most common replies Mother's give to these questions. 1) Because I said so. 2) Not if you don't cram it all in at once. 3) Because he's older. 4) Outer Space is filled with Peace and Quiet 5) Are you asking before or after the fact, son ? 6) Why, what did you do? 7) Because your Daddy's not a dog anymore. 8) I'm just practicing for when you start school. 9) Do you have a tape worm? 10) What'd I just tell you? 11) The next time I say NO trust me! 12) Is your brain turned on? 13) Don't you know by now that I can tell when you're lying ? 14) Sure Honey, hold on a minute and I'll help you! 15) The twelve calls in a row placed to the same number in a ten minute time span. 16) Dad won't even let me use his car since YOU wrecked mine! 17) I think she's nice son. 18) You like my chicken? 19) Yes, he sure does. He has your dimples! 20) Well, help me clear my office out of your old room. Welcome home son! What some of us Baby Boomer's Might Have Heard Our Mother's Say. 1) Do you want me to pinch a plug outta you? 2) Get over here so I can slap you in the mouth! 3) You wont me to fill yore mouth up with soap? 4) Are you Stupid or just actin' ? 5) Lord have mercy...how many times do I have to tell you? 6) Good night nurse, that child's not all thar! 7) If you thank for one minute I'm kiddin', let mommy tell you somethin' ! 8) Don't make me have to hit you. 9) Now looky cheer, didn't I just tell you not to do that? 10) Don't stare at that poor old man, God'll make one of your children look like that. 11) If it has wheels on it, ride it! 12) Do I look like I just stepped off the bus? 13) I think Sears is having a sale, maybe we can charge it. 14) If he graduated high school and he's never commited a felony, go for it! 15) I don't care what you saw your cousin do, put gloves on before you pick up that dead bird. 16) Don't you ever tell anyone I got locked in the pay toilet at the Mall ! 17) We sure do go through the Noxema, don't we? 18) Don't forget Friday night we're giving each other perms. 19) Just tell your Dad ten dollars will be enough and I'll sneak you the rest. 20) Don't listen to your Grandmother , she's just superstitious. Well, now that I've turned enough heads let's take a look at what you had to say. Reader's Responses: BJ Mills has written in again. I found both submissions were a must to post. My mom, she is my friend and trusty sidekick too There isn't much I could ask of her, that she wouldn't do She's always got a shoulder or a Kleenex or a clue There's no one in the world who loves her like I do. Happy Mother's Day, Mom...I love you Never Again! by BJ Mills: Ok girls, I thought in honor of Mother's Day I would tell you a little story about a mommy's most dreaded job (in my house anyway). How many times while standing in the bathroom with plunger in hand have you found yourself wondering, Just what in the world was this kid thinking? I am the mother of two boys, ages 5 and 7. About a year ago my youngest was fascinated by the potty. Anything and everything made it's way down the trusty old POTTY, well almost everything! One morning I was in the living room on the phone with my sister and my son came walking into the kitchen with his hands covering his face, (a sure sign he knew he'd done something wrong). I told my sister to hold on while I asked Brady what he had done. When he told me, I could hear my sister laughing as if she'd heard the funniest joke ever. It appeared that my son had tried to communicate with the Tidy Bowl Man by attempting to flush his bath tub boat and a small walky talky down the toilet. Brady's explanation ! Me and the man in the toilet can talk while he goes fishin'. Needless to say this discovery ended my phone call and I proceeded to attempt retrieval while Brady stood by my side explaining further, But Mommy, I thunk he could tell me if he caught somethin' really big! I ended up having to take the toilet off the floor in order to get the stuff out and let me tell you, I NEVER want to do that again! We have still had things flushed down the potty but nothing that compares to Brady's Quest for the Tidy Bowl Man, Thank God. Well girls, I hope you enjoyed my story and have a great Mother's Day. BJ Mills This comes to us from N. M. of Ft. Wayne, In. Hey Rose, Just to talk about my Mom, I remember when I was growing up my brother had to walk me home from school. This one day I had to stay after and he left me, my mom was so mad she made him go back to school and look for me. And God forbid if he didn't find me, she would make him get a switch so she could whip him. And boy did I get it for having to stay after school. She was really strict, but she is a good ole woman. She can tell you some really funny stuff about being raised in Kentucky. It is nothing like the kids today, I would never dream of saying things to my mom like they do.She wouldn't tolerate it at all. My Dad was something else to he never once whipped us for anything. I also remember my brother saying stuff to me when mom and dad were at the grocery store. I chased him through the house and when I tried to kick him he slammed the door on my knee and I broke the window so I chased him through the house again and this time I threw hot water at him and I broke the back window and just as I broke it mom and dad came home boy did my mom beat my rear.My Dad he just laughed at me and told me I had a temper like my mom.Well I guess this is enough so I will write again later. Poohbea534 This poem is about the one thing all women are accused of doing. The Gossip Grill by Rose McCormick The gossip Grill is open Come in and find a seat The regulars are welcome All newcomers must compete. As of 5 o'clock this evenin' Miss Minnie held first place With her passin' of the rumor About George Matt's disgrace It seems he took a likin' To the widow Brown next door And so he went a callin' She wasn't pleased for sure. She said she's been a widow For thirty years or more And didn't need no old man Come knockin' at her door. Miss Mills' tale came in second It was too short and sweet. The word is out that Adam's trout Was definitely not two feet. Julie said her husband isn't worth a hoot She found another woman's phone number in his boot. Yeah! She said she called her But if that doesn't take the cake! For a bit of the conversation..she could have had 1st place. So come on in and join us If gossip is you're thrill If you're empty when you get here You'll be leavin' with your fill If you weren't depressed when you came in You will be when you leave Our aim is to deliver As well as to receive. Please! Don't forget it's gossip That we're all looking for No Nagging or Complaining For that ...you go next door. Ladies, keep those peepers open and if someone in your family does that 'Stupid Thing' please write in and tell us about it. Until next month....hold down the fort. Your friend...Rose |
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